SALOME

this post comes out after a long long time here it goes…..

whats been happening is something even i’ve been trying to figure out myself, my results are out and like every other time i havent cleared!! after battling it out i’ve decided to give another try, i have no idea how much i want it for myself……….. not because, i’m desperate, but because i’ve lost the enthusiasm! Just hoping i don give up on the plans God has for me!

Apart from studies nothing else seems to be working out the way i’ve thought it would, i’ve been thinking extremes and i’m somewhere in between all of it!

The best i can do is wait, watch and enjoy God!

Somewhere between the hot and the cold
Somewhere between the new and the old
Somewhere between who I am and who I used to be
Somewhere in the middle, You’ll find me

Somewhere between the wrong and the right
Somewhere between the darkness and the light
Somewhere between who I was and who You’re making me
Somewhere in the middle, You’ll find me

Just how close can I get, Lord, to my surrender without losing all control

Fearless warriors in a picket fence, reckless abandon wrapped in common sense
Deep water faith in the shallow end and we are caught in the middle
With eyes wide open to the differences, the God we want and the God who is
But will we trade our dreams for His or are we caught in the middle
Are we caught in the middle

Somewhere between my heart and my hands
Somewhere between my faith and my plans
Somewhere between the safety of the boat and the crashing waves

Somewhere between a whisper and a roar
Somewhere between the altar and the door
Somewhere between contented peace and always wanting more
Somewhere in the middle You’ll find me

Just how close can I get, Lord, to my surrender without losing all control

Lord, I feel You in this place and I know You’re by my side
Loving me even on these nights when I’m caught in the middle

- Casting Crowns.

what i learnt today: waiting for a promise, is not a walk in the garden its rather a walk on thorns……. and its easy to give up ur dream its easy to give up on the word God has given you…….. it may seem okay today it may cause a little less hurt today but some day when i look back i’ll regret giving up just because it hurts today.

suffering produces perseverance; perseverance, character; and character, hope. And hope does not disappoint us.

Romans 5: 3 - 5

its 4 am and what am i doing here ?

looking out for a job………… desperate need for occupancy plus a little distraction from everything happening around.

thats it i have nothing more to add to this post

i waited for a long while and then decided i’d invite them by having two ice creams……… so here they are back to mumbai……. so is the sweet smell of mud , so are the potholes…… the floods……….no more white’s……………. the hot cups of coffee………… garam bhajiya’s………… bhutta’s………… and may be one or two official holiday but that doesn’t make a difference to me i don have a job yet

i stay at home all day……. every passing day begins with a whole round of search thru job sites then some time speaking to friends and rest counting hours before it will be 6 then9 then 12…….. then i lay down thinking when do i get sleep ………… quite a productive day isnt it !

well i guess i can enjoy the rains at home!! and may be go for a walk in the rain and rain dance all my way !!

what i learnt in the past few days:

1. everything that i do should be centered at the Glory of God…… i thought i was there but i missed the mark.
2. everything that i’ve said or done will pass thru fire and anything falling short of the Glory of God will turn to ashes!!!…………….. i don want to give ashes to God!!
3. people needlessly care bout others and think they are doing the right thing  by doing so (includes me)…………. (screams) ‘leave them alone they probably know what they are doing much better than you know’
4. the moment self pride births in your heart……….. be prepared for a test awaits you and the result is you’ll know that it is grace not you!!!!
5. seriously seraching for a serious job involves patience……. and i’m on the verge of loosing it !!
6. CA’s and CA students are categorised and perceived as accounts and tax professionals…………. open your eyes we are taught to manage and plan funds as well
7. i’m begining to find blogging very boring……………. i might just stop it some day soon………. or may be go on and do it all my life u never know what i’m up to!!
8. Mumbaii is full of places and things i’ve never imagined of BOMBAY SURPRISES ME WITH SOMETHING NEW ALL THE TIME!!
9. being jobless is mind boggling even worse is being without a purpose not knowing where to head……….. next
10. India discovered globalisation a few decades before………… Jesus spoke bout it in 33 AD………..

leaving you with a extract from The purpose driven life………  Rick Warren. (taught at house chruch):

Whether it was Sarah claiming she was too old to be used by God or Jeremiah claiming he was too young, God rejected their excuses.

May be you have believed that you need a special “call” from God, and you’ve been waiting for some supernatural feeling or experience. but the key is that we are all created to fulfill God’s five purposes for our lives:

God doesn’t want to use just some of his people; he wants to use all of his people. He wants his whole Church to take the whole world.

Many Christians have missed God’s plan for their lives because they have never even asked God if he wanted them to serve

Don’t say that, The Lord replied, ” For you must go whereever i send you and say whatever i tell you. And don be afraid of the people, for i will be with you and take care of you”

- Jer 1: 7 - 8

Some plans are too good to be true……….. i, still will make it someday to Singapore may be then it will be a fully sponsored trip who knows but for now i’m not going!!!

This post comes after a gap of almost a month i’ve had exams……… and i’m clearing this time!! not that the papers were great but my God is!!

Youth camp is over but Gods work in many lives has just started, something was deposited in each and every life there and in some way everyone will remember 12th and 13th May, 2008 because ‘history makers’ were born!! 

Its was an amazing site, watching young boys and girls who came with so many with doubts of existence find purpose, people searching love find true love and wandering straying hearts being restored!!!

i’m waiting to see those faces making news! changing History! creating a revolution! PAINTING THE CITY OF MUMBAI RED!!

Not exactly in that order…………

1. Passion speaks volumes, it can even change destiny… ie it can even surpass facts. Just like it did for Jacob, His passion to have the birthright his passion to get his father’s blessing and even the blessings of God has turned around the entire history, the legacy that was to be of Easu’s came to him!!! what more… God himself named him ‘ISREAL’ one who ‘overcomes Man and God’. This brings me to think of whats lacking in me am i really passionate for God, His plans, His purpose, do i go crazy thinking and planning ways to get my frnds and loved ones saved? I picture Jacob indoors thinking….. planning how could he get the birthright ‘what is Esau’s weakness?’ and then coming up with a plan…… he won the heart of God or lets just put it as Esau inspite of having everything lost it because he disliked his birthright!!
2. Some people need to be told that they are loved and relationships end when you stop comunicating i don care anymore about people who think otherwise i decide to bless them and thank them for being with me this far….. i also decided to release some people whom i couldn’t simply because i love them and i’ve been forgiven much more than i can ever hold agst anyone!!
3. Its every easy to use a high position to influence people in a good and bad way recently i found out something heartbreaking and i hate it!!
4. ‘Praise works wonders’ after years of not understanding how to get my mind into books i find the ‘key’ and its as simple as knowing who i am and who God is and acknowledging the same.
5. I know its my time for my miracle
6. exams next month so its time to say tha!tha! adios!

Luv,

Sal.

i have exams coming up in a month…….. and i have absolutely no clue why i find myself online every next hour………. there is no one who sends me mails even fwds have stopped coming i have read all the interseting mails and all i do is update my profiles and add a few links on facebook ……. i cant get my mind into my books infact today i havent even looked at them once…..

so there u go a totally random unwanted update on me……..

just for the record i even fought with dad y’day and with a frnd today!!!

Have been having somethings on my mind for a very long time!!

A lot has been happening in my family and its been there for quite sometime, highlighted over the past two years, time and again i come at a place of bitterness feeling of being let down, i have no clue what i did when i was 15 or 12 or at 5 or may be even 1 that people don wanna be with me or wont agree on others being with me…. i wish i cud turn back all those years and become someone more acceptable…. but for now i dont even know where i was wrong….

Well i’ve had someone i know go to others and ask them to be away from me, what hurts most was she claimed to stand as my mother. i was hit when i heard those words and they still ring around…… whats funny is she wanted me to keep her daughter with me ‘ make her like u’ she said funny….. ironic…… and disheartening……

i know i shud forgive, let go and release and i have many a times but time and again i find myself at the same place…… HURT.

This is my prison which i wanna let go off, but i cant be the same to her as i was before i cant restore things back the reason is i don want to….. which brings me back to my prison!!!

PS: This Good Friday i almost bought myself to call her up and apologize but i cudnt (she wasnt in town!! lol ) or may be i din want to.